Cloudy with a Chance of a Money Pit

Me: Knock. Knock.
Ali: Who's there?
Me: Amos.
Ali: Amos who?
Me: Amos-Quito!
Ali: [turns. leaves the room]

Frick and Frack, the previous home owners, made many a ding-dong decision. One of the dingiest-dongs was the addition (and eventual loss of interest) of a garden pond. Honest question, what was your reaction when you read the previous sentence?

Oh, garden pond. Where for art though purpose?

One thing was obvious: that swamp station, mosquito haven, zombie lair needed to go. The years and years of accumulated rain, leaves, mud, animals (unverified), potted plants, branches and rocks totaled 1,357 cubic feet of sludge. For reference, a gallon of water weighs 8.34 lbs. In total, I hauled 11,317 lbs of yack-inducing chuck toss. Blah.

I eventually reached the bottom of the 3' beast. Then the fill dirt arrived, clouds parted and the Red Sox ripped towards their 4th World Series Championship in 14 years.

From there on, it was mostly smooth sailing. Kinsley and Alex had a blast playing on the mountain of dirt and going for rides in the cart. As we entered the second half of Fall, the garden pool was full and Alex posed for one more picture. For some reason, he thought it was hilarious to lay on the ground like this.

I sure am happy to cross this project off the list. Makes me sleep a little bit better knowing there's no pond in the yard. I think I'm shorter than before I started the project. And I'm glad I didn't find a body while dredging nasty nast. Take that, Frick/Frack!

It's Pronounced [loo-is], Y'all

We've had difficulty finding time for a vacation this year. We've cancelled, rescheduled (twice) and also shortened. Total downer. Makes me wonder, what's the longest a family has gone without a vacation? To the best of my knowledge, we never had a summer without a vacation when I was growing up. Ocean City, Deep Creek Lake, Rehoboth Beach, Outer Banks. Most years we'd team-up with aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Other years we'd bring a friend.

I have a greater appreciation for it all now. Good thing Ali's driving this ship. :-) To Lewes we go!

This was the first time Kinsley was old enough to play at the beach. She went head first into the sand fun but was understandably apprehensive about the water. It is October, after all.

Alex must have been feeling more adventurous: he was living it up in the water. All he needed was a shovel and bucket. After that, he was good to go. Eventually Kinsley's curiosity got the better of her and we ventured into the water together. She and I went in far enough that I could let her sit on my knee. The water was cold but she didn't mind; she blew bubbles and even splashed some waves over towards her mom and brother.

The highlight of Alex's trip was the Pirate Cruise. They really do a great job engaging the kiddos in pirate adventure. He's been keeping an extra close eye on his bounty but I'm willing to bet that his favorite part was defending the ship via water cannon during the pirate attack.

We lucked-out because there were only a few kids on the cruise. It gave us plenty of room to play and explore. 

While the kids are goin' bananas for beaches and the pirate life, Ali and I are judging a 4-day battle of the baristas. We tried a couple different coffees each morning in search of Lewes's best cup of joe. From Station of Kings to some other place that I don't recall, we both agreed that the First Cup bean at the Bake Shoppe was tops. Bake Shoppe's losing points for other things but they emerge victorious in Battle O' Coffee 2018!

One of the things that keeps us coming back to Lewes are our wonderful Aunt and Uncle. Google seems to think my Aunt/Uncle are Alex & Kinsley's great Aunt/Uncle but that makes my head hurt. So how's about we roll with Grand Aunt/Uncle? Either way, they make us feel welcome even when our circus-on-wheels is in tow!

I Can't Unsee It

Giving Wifey a personalized license plate was a special occasion. There was a lot of build-up in 2015 as the list of possibilities became shorter and shorter. Suspense mounted while friends and family weighed-in and Wifey remained unaware. When the plates finally arrived, we triumphantly placed them on the new Chevy SUV. Years later, as the lease came to an end, we were certain that we'd transfer the personalized tags onto the new SUV.

Standing at the counter with sublime disinterest towards the contents, the dealer handed me a folder with a new set of plates. The cover flipped open to reveal the unthinkable.

The new license plate number had my initials in them! Right there in front me. In my hand. The first three digits: 4DM. How can it be!? In all of it's permutations, this universe has brought me the license plate that is For-David-Mills!

What should I do? What would you do? What do you think I did?

I'm really glad that you've read this far. Unfortunately, however, you've now been primed to notice 4DM license plates around the DMV. Like me, you'll never be able to unsee them. After a while, you might notice a For-David-Keith (4DK).

They're out there, people. Believe me. They're out there. Good hunting.

Mills Ministry Services: Now Open for Business

I became an ordained minister this summer. Did it so I could preside over Hollie's wedding. A few weeks thereafter I attended a work offsite. The icebreaker was to 1) introduce yourself and 2) share a highlight from your summer. I gave my usual introduction and excitedly shared that, "I married my sister over the summer." I'm not sure what sort of response I was expecting but it certainly wasn't the awkward silence and blank stares that I received. It took me a moment but I realized "I officiated my sisters wedding" would have been a much better choice of words. I quickly clarified but now have to chuckle and wonder if any of my work colleagues think that my sister and I are...wedded.

Ordination is quite the status symbol. It comes with a certificate, ministry license and clergy badge. It's a lot of fun too. I especially enjoyed writing (and delivering) the ceremony and being the recipient of the Officiant mug (which has taken it's rightful place among other valuable memorabilia).

I had a lot of flexibility with the ceremony. Venturing into the fringe of acceptable behavior was encouraged. While YouTube runneth-over with Princess Bride ceremony ideas, I managed to limit usage "mawaaage" to no more than 5 times. When it comes down to it, there's really only one legally required part of any ceremony: the I do's. Er...ah...the declaration of intent. Not gonna lie though, I smashed the the welcome, sermon and presentation of rings.

I smile now but was sweatin' bullets on the way to the ceremony. We were running a few minutes late and having trouble finding the building. I called Mom for directions and, for reasons I can't explain, led with, "We're having a Minister emergency." Normally, not a big deal but Mom answers her phone on speaker. Which means I declared "Minister Emergency" via speakerphone into a room filled with the bride and bridesmaids. Things got real quiet, real quick. :-)

The kids were in full toddler mode (Auntie Waa, sorry about that flower vase! Love, Kinsley.). The shrills in the background of the wedding videos are, undoubtedly, my children.

I loved every minute of the rehearsal, wedding and ministering. The venue was perfect. And I couldn't be more proud of my big sister!

Dad Level: 10,000

I had a buddy in college that kept a pet snake in his dorm room. I never would have known he had a snake except, one day, the snake wasn't in the aquarium. Instead, el serpiente was just chillin' on the desk. In the dorm room. In between me and exit. 

My lizard brain went straight into fight-or-flight mode. Flight wins. I go from zero to sixty faster than ever before. My onboard navigation system calculated the most direct route (through the shared bathroom, out the neighbors dorm room) and I was g-o-n-e. Didn't look back until I was halfway across campus. Never returned to the scene of the crime. Naturally, my buddies found it humorous.

Fast forward 17 years. There's a HUGE snake in my basement. Alex is 10' away. This is not a drill, people. Fight or flight? Place your bets...

I kicked that snakes @ss (or whatever they have)! Well, technically not. More like, I managed to keep my organs from shutting down long enough to trap the goliath in a bucket with the help of a broom and 8' piece of moulding. Pretty sure I was radiating beams of manliness at the time.

Clearly, the snake knew too much and would not be permitted to return to the woods behind the house. It's his lucky day though. This snake is on a relocation program. So I plunked a lid on the bucket, taped it down with a pretty good mix of duct tape and packaging tap, put it in the front seat and drove it down to the Ag Farm.

I knew the snake needed a name. Unfortunately, the only thing that came to mind was a nickname for someone at work. Now, when we drive past the Ag Farm (twice a day), we all shout, "hello" to the snake named after one of my colleagues.

Bjoern the Unicorn

This is Bjoern. He's a Unicorn. And when connected to a garden hose, water shoots out of his horn. While it's clear why he joined the team, Bjeorn has a critical shortcoming: he takes a loooong time to inflate with the included pump. We're talkin' 15-20 minutes.

This is a Ridgid 12-gallon high performance wet dry vac. It's 5 horsepower, 145 CFM are best used to power a workshop dust collection system, scare a toddler or suck up anything smaller than an apple. With a simple configuration change, you can reverse the flow of air through the hose.

Discovering I could inflate Bjeorn with the Ridgid was the highlight of my day. I took that thing from empty to party-time in 15 seconds. Then I giggled. Deflating was fun too.

Update (July 7): I went a little overboard with the vacuum the second time. 15 second: just right. 18 seconds: unrecoverable malfunction. Bjeorn is no longer with us. ...was a challenge to "retire" him without the kids seeing.

Blood, Sweat and (preferably no) Tetanus

I've been working on the basement office project for several months. Recently, I've be focusing on the space under the stairway. It's a junk-zone today but with some love, we think it can be something special.

The original vision was to create a bench nook sort of thing for readers and/or loungers. That didn't make it past the approvals board so now I'm building a playhouse! Something like this:

An important early step is removing an old shelf system and building a wall to enclose the area under the staircase. Over the course of a couple of weekends, a nice pile of wood scrap and other construction stuff accumulated in the corner and I finally decided to haul it out to the trash today. ...without gloves. And that's how to spend the morning in the hospital, children.

Lots of blood. 6 stitches. 1 tetanus shot. Two parts embarrassed, one part regret. Sigh...

Project status: on hold.