My Wish for This Pot

Last Christmas, I was gifted a Wishing Pot. Today, the wish became a reality. Unfortunately, the wish belonged to someone else.

There Goes My Wisdom

As of 5:35pm EDT last night, my upper wisdom teeth have been removed. Here are two things that I've learned from the experience:

• The technical term for getting teeth removed from one's skull is extracted. For an inexplicable reason, this pisses me off.
• Those in the profession refer to upper wisdom teeth as numbers 1 and 16 (…at least that's what the liability release form said).

A memory from the banks of my youth:

I can remember my parents joking with the children about the barbaric act of picking crabs. It went something like this, "If aliens came into this room right now and saw us eating these crabs, they'd turn around and run for their lives. Apparently, these crabbies legs weren't quite long enough to get them away…" It always punctuated with whack, crack, delight.

Why is this relevant? Because extracting teeth reminds me of whackin' crabs. I trust that the world of medicine has undergone profound advancements and achievements during recent decades. But you wouldn't guess that by witnessing an extraction. As for the experience, never open your eyes during the procedure!

Step 0: Waiting Room

An extraction is one of those procedures where you need someone else to drive you home. Now that I'm hitched, this sounds like an excellent job for my wife. It was, except that she was having a great time. She couldn't stop smiling. Before. During. After. Someone at work said, "Welcome to marriage."

Step 1: Legal Documentation

What am I getting into? The document that I'm supposed to sign is clearly the photocopy of a document that was originally produced with a typewriter. This was not a copy of the original document. Nope. Not even close. This was a photocopy of another patients release form! How did I know? The photocopy machine picked up the texture of the painted-on whiteout.

I was surprised to note that the document only requires the dentist to manually scribble which teeth are coming out. I know that this might not sound odd but I would feel better if there were at least a diagram.

Step 2: Local Anesthetics

Why haven't we invented a better mechanism for delivering fluid into a targeted area of the body?

Step 3: Extraction

This is when I made the mistake of opening my eyes. When I did, I saw the device that is used to extract the tooth. It's not a huge deal unless you see it going into your mouth. This device is archaic and felt like the key to using it is leverage and a fulcrum. The first tooth came out rather easily. We were only two minutes into the procedure when the good doctor tapped me on the shoulder and said, "The first one's out." The second tooth was less willing. It required some drilling and seemed like it came out in pieces. Two specific things crossed my mind over and over during this part of the procedure: I didn't know my mouth could open that wide and that crunching sound can't be good.

Step 4: Immediate Aftercare

Wifey is good to me.

Step 5: Healing

I heart milk shakes but am ready for solid food. I've been on the sidelines at meals for less than 24 hours and am already craving pizza. My face is swollen and lopsided. The side with the difficult tooth is much bigger than the other. I look adorable.

Having teeth pulled sucks. But I'm glad that they're out and I'm on the mend. Apparently it's OK to take the following day off from work to recover…I, however, did not do this. There was surprisingly little blood. I think more blood came out after the surgery than during. Teeth feel much bigger than they really are.
Parents pierce their daughter's earlobes at a young age so that they don't remember the experience (read pain). I wonder why not expand this concept to include wisdom teeth? …who knows maybe they don't exist until later in life.

Millsabatical

There are few things that distinguish one company’s compensation package from another.  At my company, there are two:

· Employee Stock Purchase Plan and

· Sabbatical

The ESPP is like free money, so it’s easy to appreciate (especially when the stock is up over 150% in 19 months).  The sabbatical, on the other hand, deserves expansion.

First, a lesson in sabbatical vocabulary (well, those terms that comes to mind right now)

Sabbatitude: an ebbing of motivation and effort by employees as evidenced by indifference, complacency, and decreased motivation in the period preceding one’s sabbatical.

Escape Velocity: the minimum velocity required to escape the gravitational clutch or call of the office by e-mail, phone, or otherwise

Sabbatage: An incident or event that interferes with or otherwise keeps one from reaching escape velocity

Re-entry: the re-penetration of the offices atmosphere by one who has been on sabbatical

Sabbaticool: something cool that happens that one would not have otherwise been privy to

There are generally three different reactions from those who have taken sabbatical.

Reaction 1: I had a great time, but I was starting to get bored towards the end.  I am kinda glad that I’ve gone back to work.

Analysis: This is a clear sign of a poorly executed sabbatical.  The root of this problem usually stems from an inability to fill the 6 weeks with enough balance of fulfilling and relaxing events.

For example: “I took sabbatical during summer to spend the whole time with my kids.”  Or, “I stayed at home the whole time.”

Reaction 2: Sabbatical is heaven.  I wish sabbatical were permanent.

Analysis: You have the wrong job.  Seek counsel from Dr. HotJobs.

For example: “As humans, we weren’t made to sit at a desk for 10 hours a day.”

Reaction 3: I’m content with my time off and prepared to head back to the office.  

Analysis: this is the Zen zone for sabbatical goers.  This requires good sabbatical planning and execution.  Only those who are truly one with sabbatical can achieve this level of self actualization.

For example: “I’m satisfied with the things I did.”  Or, “I’m recharged and ready to take-on the next task at hand.”

I reach the sabbatical Zen zone.  I did a lot of things but not too much.  We spent time in the city and balanced it with time at the beach.  We spent time in wine country and balanced it with time at home.  We watched a lot of the World Cup and balanced it with a lot of reading.  We had a wedding and balanced it with a long honeymoon.  We found a new place to live and balanced it with a lot of local activities.  …and the list goes on.  Now for the best news of all!  …only 27 months until the next one!

Renting Has its Advantages

…this ol' house has been around since 1900. Considering its age, it's certainly entitled to have a couple of bad days. Unfortunately, today was a bad day. Here's the story:

Poor poor house. It turns out that both the drain and vent (? yeah, both) have clogged repeatedly, ruptured, and turned into a giant rain cloud whenever the upstairs neighbors use the dishwasher or washing machine. 24 hours later, the pipe's been replaced and we're left with a 7' x 10" hole that runs from the countertop to the ceiling. Still, on its better days, it's a fine place to call home.

What’s an Orbit Worth?

The calendar says that I've been kickin' around for some 30+ worldly orbits. I've never looked forward to any single orbit like I have this one. 2010 is a personally exciting one for loads o' reasons…and one of them showed up on my doorstep this week. And here it is; a wonderful piece of tangible affirmation that, technically, allows me to put three little initials in my e-signature (MBA). …don't worry, no matter what the initials, I'll never ascend to that type of vanity.

It represents several years of juggling one of the more demanding marketing jobs in existence (…conservative estimate), a too long courtship of wife-2-be, and the additional rigors of life. Here's a list of the courses. Some contain fonder memories than others. My favorite courses were the ones that delivered strong personalities, passionate debate, and a wide range of perspectives. On the other hand, nothing was more aggravating than the quiet person(s) in class. Strong opinions drew me to Finance but the 'art of the deal' drew me to M&A. Few professions offer such a strong (and measurable) mix of art and science.

1. Principles of Accounting
2. Management People in Organizations
3. Statistics
4. Principles of Economics
5. Marketing Management
6. Operations Management
7. Negotiating
8. Global Corporate Strategy
9. Relationship Management
10. Strategic Information Fundamentals
11. Leadership and Corporate Responsibility
12. Business Process Management
13. International Business Law
14. Argumentation Strategies for Business
15. Corporate Finance: Theory, Tools and Concepts
16. Short-term Financial Management
17. Corporate Finance: Applications and Advanced Topics
18. Mergers and Acquisitions
19. International Financial Management

…and some of the reading. By no means is this all inclusive but it's all that I could get my hands during a commercial break.

People often remark that the biggest takeaways from school aren't those on the syllabus. I've never found Finance (etc) very difficult, it just requires time and attention. Now that I've completed the Masters, I've become the beneficiary of my own time – it's tough to appreciate it until you don't have it. Now, I find that I can accomplish more in a shorter amount of time than I ever thought I could. I've also gained the perspective and appreciation for 'just how hairy the beast is.' I could go on (balance, confidence, insight, blah blah blah), but instead, I'll reward you for reading this far. J Fin.

For Once, A Victory

For those of you that know women…..and I mean REALLY know women….you have to understand the art of shopping.  Or maybe it’s the understanding of the love of shopping.  Or ….perhaps the art of spending money in the name of shopping?  Hmmm…. Well in any event, I’m getting a little off subject.

Once upon a time, a young girl fantasized about her dream wedding.  Scratch the DJ record and move forward 25 years, and now this same girl realizes that every wedding fantasy comes at a cost.  Whether the cost is minimal or grand, it’s always an ADDITIONAL cost.  I have begun to realize that maybe it’s true when they say nothing in life is for free … but I know for a darn tootin’ fact that NOTHING (and I mean NOTHING) in the wedding industry is for free. 

This being said, the young girl inside of me still wants the dream fantasy wedding.  Which, much to my hubby-to-be’s shagrin, usually means ANOTHER cost. Since the beginning of the wedding planning, I have heard many things come out of my hubby-to-be’s mouth such as:

“That costs HOW much?!?!”

“Do we really need _______________________??!?!”

“You really need to watch the budget.”

“Can you fill out the Excel spreadsheet to see if that cost fits within the allotted budget.”

So, I guess this now ties in my intro paragraph.  When a woman sees something she REALLY wants (okay, maybe she just thinks she REALLY wants it) and has her heart set on it … the above questions are like a stab in the shopping bag.

SOOOOOOO…..this brings me to the day in question.  

Saturday, March 27, 2010. A beautiful, sunny yet crisp day.  

It was the day that has been designated in our Outlook calendars as “WEDDING BAND SHOPPING WEEKEND.”  And no, not the wedding band as in music (as my hubby-to-be thought originally), but rather the ball and chain symbol that remains on your finger for life shopping event.

The day started out with grumpy hubby-to-be.  I wanted to be the very first in the store as it was a SALE weekend for wedding bands!  Hubby-to-be wanted to remain in bed snoozing with the young puppy for as long as possible.  

Finally, he dragged himself out of bed but NEVER FEAR ladies … NOT without the dreaded “b” word!!!

Hubby-to-be getting out of bed: “You know when we go shopping today, you really need to check yourself with the budget before you agree to anything.”

“If you get anything custom-made, it’s coming out of your own pocket.”

“Make sure you think of the BUDGET.”

Sigh.  Words of love.  SWOON.

So, OFF WE WENT!

Needless to say, swarms of people arrived at the same time we did.  And I mean swarms. If you are like us and have never experienced a jewelry store being crowded, it was a bit overwhelming.

We were the second inside the store and off we went in search of the eternal ball and chain symbol!

ONE HOUR AND 10 MINUTES.

That’s the amount of time to search for, purchase and sign for the rings.

HUBBY’S TIME FINDING/PURCHASING A RING – 1 HOUR AND 5 MINUTES

MY TIME FINDING/PURCHASING A RING – 5 MINUTES.

Shall I say (ahem!) someone (and not me) is the prima donna of the relationship!?!?!

Anywhooo…..to make a long story short, hubby-to-be chose a ring that was MORE EXPENSIVE than the one I chose.

Yes, my friends. A whole gob-smacking, lip-licking $50 more expensive.

Now, you may think “Well, $50 is not all that much.”

Well, if you are thinking that  … THINK AGAIN.   That $50 has shuddered all of the dreaded “B” comments …. That $50 has caused me so much peace and tranquility for the weekend that I feel as though I’m at a spa in Palm Springs.

They say marriage is a compromise.  I agree … but I also say that a $50 difference that swings in your favor is PRICELESS.

Saturday, March 27, 2010.   A day that will remain forever in our wedding history books.  A victory for perhaps not all women, but this one in particular.  A day that should be on the Mastercard commercial because this day indeed was priceless.

A Very Happy Birthday for Me

Except for the 'plus 1 year' impact that birthdays have, they're almost always fun…ESPECIALLY when my wife-2-be is the one responsible for planning.

My birthday often (but not always) coincides with the Christmas break. This was one of those unfortunate years where my b-day signifies the first day back from the Christmas break. This year, Ali asked me to take an additional 3 days of vacation so that we could properly celebrate the big day. Given this request, I was guessing that this birthday may bring a gift that required travel. A million thoughts raced through my mind: Where could it be? Local? Overseas? What would be the attraction? Skiing? Beaches? Overseas? It can't be too extravagant…after all, we've got a wedding to pay for!

Ali's not very good at keeping big secrets, but she did a very good job of keeping this one. The real genius of the surprise came with only 48 hours remaining in my twenties. On Saturday, Ali gave me my first gift: a tourists driving guide to New England. What a great piece of deception?! First, I've wanted to spend more time exploring New England and second, it was a relatively inexpensive gift for us. I won't lie, I was just a little disappointed to think that I had taken off 3 days for a drive through Vermont.

Being officially thrown off the trail, I went to bed a little bitter. With only 24 hours left in my twenties, my luck significantly improved. It started with breakfast in bed. The menu consisted of bacon, eggs, and a pancake message that read, "Pack your bags." No, Vermont and its wonderful cheddar cheese was not the destination…we were Captiva bound!

We landed at Fort Meyers in the wake of climate gate. Without a doubt, this winter has dealt a blow to proponents of the global warming debate. Captiva is 26.3 degrees north latitude. The average high/low temperatures in January are 74/54. While we were there, the temperature did not rise above 54 degrees. Let's just say that it wasn't beach weather. BUT, the temp was still twice as high as the temperatures Boston…and we're not afraid of a little chill. I played golf every day; we walked the beach, found a whole sand dollar, and had drinks on the beach at the Mucky Duck.

   

Captiva is an hour away from the airport at Fort Meyers. Given the distance, we rented a car…but not just any car, Wifey surprised me with a Corvette ZHZ (a.k.a. Lola). One might guess that a Hertz edition 'vette would be a bit lacking in the muscle department, but that just isn't the case. Modern amenities like keyless entry and start are paired with 460 angry horses. Very nice. When you're behind the wheel of that much power every straightaway, corner, and green light begs for the driver to let 'er rip. 0 to 80 is a picnic for Lola. Within 5 minutes of leaving the airport, we found a Saleen Mustang… J 45 minutes later we found a Viper… J I might have to get me one of these. On the return trip to the airport we got caught in traffic next to a mom and her young son. We didn't really understand why he was laughing, smiling, and pointing at us. The mother eventually rolled down the window and told us that he thought our car was Bumble Bee from the Transformers movie. I smiled back at him, winked, and made him promise not to tell anyone.

Harbourside Bar & Grill

By the time we arrived, we were rather tired. We opted to have dinner at the closest restaurant on the resort. I had scallops and Wifey had steak. The scallops were incredible – by far the best scallops that we had during the whole trip.

  

Famous Dave's BBQ

Perhaps the best BBQ of my life – way better than Smokey Pig. I feel like I've graduated to a new level of BBQ and learned new criteria for judging BBQ. The secret? Ask them to show you their trophies. Barbecued shrimp wrapped in bacon is a local attraction in and of itself. By far, Dave's had the best – yeah, they tasted the best but they don't skimp on the quantity either. Ali had a burger with pulled pork and bacon. I had a sampler with beef brisket, pork ribs, and chicken wings.

   

Mucky Duck

We really enjoyed eating and hanging out at the Mucky Duck. We probably had 3 meals there. Our favorite item was a chicken soup that wasn't on the menu. We were at the bar waiting for a table and started talking to the owner. He moved to Captiva (from Boston) a bunch of years ago. He whipped-up a chicken soup for the staff and offered some to us too. It was creamy (but not too creamy) and all around delicious. If you ever find yourself at this restaurant, let it be known that the waitresses like to play jokes on unsuspecting patrons. For example, they squeezed fake ketchup on me and fake-spilled coffee on numerous other suckers. They also have a window on wheels that they put between loud tables. Unfortunately, I don't fully grasp the intention of this prop.

In a weird twist of fate, Momma Dukes was vacationing 10 miles away from us in Sanibel. We weren't able to connect while we were all in FL. It's only now that I realize how dangerous the conversation during Christmas dinner about Mom's FL vacation plans was.