My Wish for This Pot

Last Christmas, I was gifted a Wishing Pot. Today, the wish became a reality. Unfortunately, the wish belonged to someone else.

There Goes My Wisdom

As of 5:35pm EDT last night, my upper wisdom teeth have been removed. Here are two things that I've learned from the experience:

• The technical term for getting teeth removed from one's skull is extracted. For an inexplicable reason, this pisses me off.
• Those in the profession refer to upper wisdom teeth as numbers 1 and 16 (…at least that's what the liability release form said).

A memory from the banks of my youth:

I can remember my parents joking with the children about the barbaric act of picking crabs. It went something like this, "If aliens came into this room right now and saw us eating these crabs, they'd turn around and run for their lives. Apparently, these crabbies legs weren't quite long enough to get them away…" It always punctuated with whack, crack, delight.

Why is this relevant? Because extracting teeth reminds me of whackin' crabs. I trust that the world of medicine has undergone profound advancements and achievements during recent decades. But you wouldn't guess that by witnessing an extraction. As for the experience, never open your eyes during the procedure!

Step 0: Waiting Room

An extraction is one of those procedures where you need someone else to drive you home. Now that I'm hitched, this sounds like an excellent job for my wife. It was, except that she was having a great time. She couldn't stop smiling. Before. During. After. Someone at work said, "Welcome to marriage."

Step 1: Legal Documentation

What am I getting into? The document that I'm supposed to sign is clearly the photocopy of a document that was originally produced with a typewriter. This was not a copy of the original document. Nope. Not even close. This was a photocopy of another patients release form! How did I know? The photocopy machine picked up the texture of the painted-on whiteout.

I was surprised to note that the document only requires the dentist to manually scribble which teeth are coming out. I know that this might not sound odd but I would feel better if there were at least a diagram.

Step 2: Local Anesthetics

Why haven't we invented a better mechanism for delivering fluid into a targeted area of the body?

Step 3: Extraction

This is when I made the mistake of opening my eyes. When I did, I saw the device that is used to extract the tooth. It's not a huge deal unless you see it going into your mouth. This device is archaic and felt like the key to using it is leverage and a fulcrum. The first tooth came out rather easily. We were only two minutes into the procedure when the good doctor tapped me on the shoulder and said, "The first one's out." The second tooth was less willing. It required some drilling and seemed like it came out in pieces. Two specific things crossed my mind over and over during this part of the procedure: I didn't know my mouth could open that wide and that crunching sound can't be good.

Step 4: Immediate Aftercare

Wifey is good to me.

Step 5: Healing

I heart milk shakes but am ready for solid food. I've been on the sidelines at meals for less than 24 hours and am already craving pizza. My face is swollen and lopsided. The side with the difficult tooth is much bigger than the other. I look adorable.

Having teeth pulled sucks. But I'm glad that they're out and I'm on the mend. Apparently it's OK to take the following day off from work to recover…I, however, did not do this. There was surprisingly little blood. I think more blood came out after the surgery than during. Teeth feel much bigger than they really are.
Parents pierce their daughter's earlobes at a young age so that they don't remember the experience (read pain). I wonder why not expand this concept to include wisdom teeth? …who knows maybe they don't exist until later in life.